From the Sue Gray 'update' to Prince Andrew's settlement, in the UK we've gotten used to things failing to match their hype. Take your pick: Brexit's sunlit uplands, "It's Coming Home", THIS ARTICLE, your new sexual partner's actualability; whatever you felt optimistic, nay excited about - the chances are the reality will not match your expectations. And this is our default setting, as Brits. We've become accustomed to it. We've become it. We are the only nation in the world where the most broadly-accepted way of saying "HI! HOW ARE YOU!" is merely... "alright". This cultural attitude of "mehh, it'll never be as good as they say" makes a lot of sense in a country where half of us are too stupid for the other half to trust their judgement and the *other* half so sarcastic that the first half take everything *they* say at face value. "Coming 2 America? Oh mate, strap in. Worth the wait. Life changing." We sarcastically hype shit up, stupid people believe it, misguidedly hype it up, more stupid people believe that - and before we know it, they've commissioned another series of What Katie Did Next or voted to leave the E.U. Along with "it'll never be as good as they said" (skeptics) comes its sister, "pffff it could never be *that* bad here" (skeptics of the wrong things). Two cheeks of the same arse, as they say. Metaphorically, that leaves the intellectually curious, the self-aware and the self-questioning ("Could it actually pan out quite well? No? Why not? Could I be wrong about this? Fuck me, maybe they accidentally had a point?") somewhere in the middle - right in the arse-crack of UK Politics. We *do* think things could get 'that bad'. But we hope we're wrong. Simultaneously we know in our hearts that even if we are wrong, and it turns out well, the limits to the success will be tempered by reality. Perhaps it's a sort of weird mental-health self-preservation that we inhabit such a grey, beige, mood-stabilised psychology. For the "it'll never get *that* bad, not here" lot, it's quite interesting to probe. "Not in good ol' Blighty! THIS IS ENGLAND!" etc etc. Because while there's some intangible, innate greatness to Britons for these guys - at the same time - nothing can ever be particularly good either. Our national character can be summed up in the following exchange that I just made up: "Ugh. This country. We used to be great. We used to run the world. Now look at us. It's time we re-introduced the rest of the world to Great Britain again!" "Yeah, maybe we could invest in hospitals, take care of the vulnerable, start programming schools and Tech colleges to propel ourselves into the 21st Cent..." "Pfffff... we could never do that, we're TOO SHIT!" A sort of inverted form of fantasy tempered by reality. Perhaps we really do have more in common than that which divides us. Some hope for the future there. More on such 'hope' in a moment... And so our 'greatness' lives in the past, where it cannot be touched. A mythical, 'Great' time, documented in an era where we had less awareness of 'balance' or 'bias'. And, as history is written by 'the winners', so we have a significant chunk of the population who yearn for a Golden Age that never existed (or not in the way they think) and who don't believe things could ever get that bad, in pursuit of it. Pride in a cemented, glorious past also requires less risk, doesn't it? You can say "Churchill was a great leader" quite safely, knowing there are books, films, GCSE History modules and of course fucking police-guarded statues to back-up your claim. Hope in the future requires something braver, doesn't it? If you stake your credibility on saying "We Could Be At The Forefront Of 21st Century Giga-Factory Technology!", you expose yourself to the risk that we won't be. And we - and by-proxy you - may look a bit silly. And then where would you be, with your broken commitments, false hope and your credibility in pieces? I mean, *aside* from your new role in the heart of the Conservative Party or writing opinion for The Telegraph. It's simply much safer to live in the past. And look, it's fun to mock, sure, but Comedy = Tragedy + Time and we're still in the thick of this. So perhaps tragic is more apt. Right now we're on the cusp of what feels like a European War for the first time in almost eighty years. It may also be the first thing in a while that (depressingly) lives up(/down?) to the hype... AND it may *also* be the reckoning of those who hark back to the Blitz Spirit and who wank themselves stupid over Churchill and spitfires because although traditionally this is where you'd think the Iain Duncan Smiths and George Galloways of this country might shine; what with all their talk of THE WAR and WHAT OUR PARENTS FACED IN THE BLITZ and all that.. I mean, European war? Power hungry dictator? Bloated, blustery PM? Check, check, check. Enter stage left, lads, this is your moment. But perhaps more traditionally, we're about to find their bunting and fedoras are no match for Russia's... I dunno, turning off the gas? cyber-sabotaging our fucking power grid? Posting polonium to people of interest? Maybe that's the "failing to live up to the hype" right there. Normal service has resumed. But don't worry. I'm probably just talking rubbish. It could never get that bad. Not here.
