You’d think it might take a lot to hit Steve Baker’s threshold for Free Speech. One of a hareem of self-styled Tory libertarians, this is the guy who - only two weeks ago - clutched his pearls at the thought of being asked to wear a mask. So opposed to his civil liberties being tweaked was he, that he theatrically presented this as Parliament plotting a course to hell and promptly begged his colleagues to come with him… to heaven. I sincerely doubt Baker has brought anyone to heaven in his entire life but it was interesting nonetheless to see such a protector of freedoms, yesterday (Saturday night), ejecting a cohort from a Tory WhatsApp group for saying something he didn’t like. I guess this Cancel Culture thing is real and it’s spreading and if Baker can contract it well no one is safe. Because as well as shitting his tits over having to wear a piece of cloth (to, you know, lower the chances of killing his own ageing constituents), Baker can also be found sharing Orwell quotes on Twitter. “If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people things they do not want to hear.” - Orwell” - he tweeted on December 12th, in response to the mask ‘debate’, if you can call it that. Let’s be real: the only time the nature of ‘debate’ comes up with virological science, with PPE, or Climate Change and so on, is when it’s some witless Baron of Bellendry like Steve Baker who - as I’ve mentioned in Tiktoks and Twitter - simply does not want to accept that this particular restriction on liberty will apply to him, personally. They’re all out of fucks, they’re in a “fucks overdraft”, when it’s the expansion of Stop & Search, criminalisation of protest, surveillance, cancelling citizenship, threatening journalists with ten year prison terms for daring to embarrass the Government. But ask them to try not to breathe death vapour on your Gran and suddenly you’ve got a Bargain-Bin Braveheart a resignation away from rapping with Piers Corbyn. Speaking of Bravehearts, the Govt’s own Freedom Fighter in Chief, Lord Frost, has a new-found freedom of his own: he’s quit! Now, far be it from a latte-drinking, metropolitan elite like me to deny anyone their sovereignty, but I can’t help but wonder if - in the complexities and machinations of The Ministry For Brexit - the objectives Frost was set by his Line Manager at the beginning of the year, might’ve been something tougher than “Negotiate Your Own Exit, Dave”. The reactions to Frost’s exit are a comedy genre of their own, as you’d expect. “Frosty The Go Man” and “Oven Ready Deal De-Frosted” were two favourites. But most amusing has been this newly-spun narrative that Lord Frost felt compelled to resign over Masks and the prospect of new Coronavirus restrictions. I’m told the first draft response from Number 10 HR was something along the lines of “HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING?”. Recollections may vary. To believe he’s so career-endingly concerned by this mooted January Circuit Breaker, you’d have to believe that a senior Tory would actually entertain some f****ng rules, which is a premise so unbelievable it’d be removed from a Lost script and replaced with a still as-yet unexplained grey smoke that makes factory noises. But furthermore, curiously missing from the Right-wing narrative is that this is the same guy whose peacock-strutting about ‘Article-16’ and ‘red lines’ and ‘WE CANNOT HAVE THE ECJ MAINTAINING CONTROL IN NORTHERN IRELAND" who handed over NI jurisdiction to the ECJ on Thursday. There is a school of thought that Frost quit to further de-stabilise Team Johnson (further? lol). And that in two or three months when the leadership contest begins in earnest, whoever he’s struck a Faustian Pact with, will install him as Foreign Secretary or Home Secretary, as repayment. I think that credits Frost and this mythical figure (Baker? Gove? Raab?) with too much intelligence. These are people who were injected into Govt on the basis they either truly believed Brexit was smart (and are thus stupid) or are so self-serving and cynical they were willing to publicly support Brexit despite knowing the monstrous damage it would unleash (psychopathic, unlikely to trust or help others). I suppose it can be comforting, in a warped way, to assume the chaos is all part of a grander conspiracy. There must be someone pulling the strings and this all makes sense to someone, somewhere etc. Because the truth is just endlessly more terrifying: it’s disorganised, chaotic mayhem. It’s one of the reasons people still think Tupac is alive or Diana was murdered. The inconvenient, uncomfortable truth is that with the right (/wrong?) set of circumstances, shit can go horrifically wrong at the drop of a hat. And so on the balance of probabilities, I’d say Frost has quit because he was shit. And that Johnson is in hot water, again, because he’s shit. Baker ejected Dorries from the group because he’s not really a Libertarian Hero of Free Speech just another twat who has no issue with restrictions until they apply to him. Sometimes a cake is just a cake.
