Harry & Meghan Wander Aimlessly Into “No-Consequence Britain”

Money can get you a lot in life. And a Spotify deal even more. And Holy LORD above, the technology Harry has witnessed of late would certainly be seen as magic in centuries gone by. But alas, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have discovered that - despite enjoying many of the trappings of wealth & privilege - moving your children to a posh English school does not, in fact, grant them temporary invisibility.

Paparazzi were spotted walking the perimeter of Archie and Lilibet’s school, backpacks on, white van parked nearby (are we SURE they weren't looking for diesel?), peering into the grounds like a pair of under-employed birdwatchers who had somehow confused primary-age school children with some rare migratory species.

First and foremost can we please marvel at the accountability here? I mean, I know we all expect the square root of fuck all to come of ANYONE's foibles now (see Open-AI hacking into a Govt Database and being momentarily dragged off by the authorities to, err, host a press conference about their exciting new LLM model?). But this one is equally impressive.

Two men were spotted HANGING AROUND OUTSIDE A SCHOOL. TAKING PICTURES OF CHILDREN. AT AN ACTUALLY RATHER WELL-TO-DO, WELL-RESOURCED SCHOOL, DON'T YOU KNOW.

And nobody's even questioning them!?

In fact it's not beyond the realms of possibility that they too will merely host some sort of presser here.

Meg's spokesman called it “extraordinarily reckless". Fine. But frankly for the Royals what with their penchant for road accidents, child sex trafficking, exploding boats and palacial suicides, i'd have left off the first word there. Less is more and all that.

For me, the "reckless" thing feels almost too polite? Two international photographers working for a European news agency. Neither one nor their employers are under any obligation to follow UK press codes (is anyone anymore? did you see the Andy Burnham coverage?). How was this allowed to happen? Maybe moving back to rainy, broken, racist SHIT England from gorgeous, sunny Malibu wasn't such a smart move after all?

The school had already been switched after only a fortnight since the previous one because of security headaches, traffic, and an earlier disruption to the convoy. The Sussexes had barely unpacked the kids' lunchboxes before their lens friends rocked up to treat the playground like a fucking VIP red carpet or some shit.

Incidentally: look out for a perculiar strain of British media when stories like this flare up.

They rally round Nigel Farage and support his expectation of privacy when it comes to what he's spent "his" (gift) money on yet treat the privacy of actual children as fair game.

Ghouls.

Still, maybe there's an upside. Perhaps, in a way, it's reassuring? The same ecosystem that goes all Ray Charles when it comes to looking into Russian Interferance or wondering who may or may not be fucking kompromatted can still - thank goodness - find some journalistic curiosity if it means parking up for hours to stake out a bloody school gate.

Anyway, why do we care? Why am i even writing about this? THIS is what you want to make your big bloggy comeback on, is it? Aid? Royal gossip and the security procedures at a school you'll never go to, as it's discussed by two PRIVATE citizens?

Well. Harry and Meghan are indeed just Every Day Joes now. The Palace has made that abundantly clear with its recent letter. No working roles, no half-in arrangement, no taxpayer-funded fairytale continuation. Yet the machinery that monetises their every movement trundles on, as though they have the payroll to justify it.

Children at school are not public property, even if their parents once were. The idea that a couple of men in a rental van can simply loiter and watch them because those kids happen to be - at least on paper - related to the House of Windsor is the kind of entitlement that would look grotesque if applied to any other family. And it is grotesque here too. However bootlicky that might make me sound for defending two very rich people who realistically don't need me to.

The couple’s return to the UK was always going to invite this, of course. Those years in California bought them distance in the same/similar way as Robbie Williams sought refuge; coming home bought them the Full English special of intensified "interest". The security that comes along with that remains an unresolved argument, even though the perps who necessitate it make it all the more necessary by precisely this rubbish.

Of course already we have all the usual arguments about cost and precedent circulating. But the photographers keep working. Somebody's got to pay to put their children through college. Open AI's image generation certainly isn't going to help, whoever exciting the presser.

It's hilarious though. The UK Media lecture endlessly about responsibility and self regulation while remaining so laughably relaxed about the practical boundaries around children. We are left with the impression that “respect for children” in the era of "Protect Arre KIDS!" is a concept that applies solely when it does not interfere with the supply of exclusive pictures.

None of this requires you to like the Sussexes, their Netflix output, or their public messaging. You can find the entire royal project patently ridiculous and still recognise that papping children at school is a low and unnecessary act. The greater good here is straightforward: kids should be able to go to school without being treated as "content".

That principle does not become less true because their parents once lived in Royal Lodge.

And if the media’s collective sense of proportion remains this warped, we may as well admit that the next time someone complains about intrusion.

The real product on offer will still be the same old spectacle: selfish, sociopathic, vendetta journalism for cash.

And it's not one i can bothered to stand around and wait to see tbh.