The Resurrection Of Sanity Is Still A Way Off

Happy Easter, it’s a time of rebirth, a time of new life. I wonder if we might see a resurrection of sanity any time soon? Anyone remember that?

I turn on the TV and flick to the news. Oh great, Eric Trump has shared some faked AI images of his Dad marching down a street in New York, tailed by tens of thousands of supporters. Ugh.

Maybe our collective common sense might re-emerge once Trump is dead or in jail? 

Kidding. 

When Trump does eventually snuff it, guaranteed there’s a thing in his will to request he’s stuffed and put on display in his fake Oval Office at Mar-o-Lago; a phone will be secured in his formaldehyde'd fingers and a plastic McDonalds will sit on the desk; twice a day his sons will walk in, see him stare blankly at them until they turn around and leave…

And then they can be like:
“It’s JUST like he’s still here!!”

There’s something so tragicomic about the Trump Boys, isn’t there? I mean, here we have Eric posting an image like this in pursuit of the love of a man who is clearly unable to give it. Like, Eric, the guy is a narcissistic sociopath for God’s sake! He’d have you put to sleep if he needed one of your kidneys.

Domestically, perhaps sanity might rear its head again when Labour are in power?

I switch news and see Starmer, again, refusing to even consider the Single Market, even though we know (with reasonable certainty) it would solve the labour shortage and foster the growth everyone (including Labour) endlessly bang on about. 

“We will not be joining the single market. We will not be joining a customs union.”

“But you say you want growth? How are you going to get growth then!?”

“Look over there! Rishi’s having a pint in the #FreeThePedos!”

Truly, Labour’s determination to achieve growth while dismissing the ways we could get there is like eavesdropping on someone’s Grandad, in the latter stages of cognitive decline, who insists on a holiday in the Algarve, but who refuses to get on the boat while his exhausted kids shrug that he’s also too scared to fly.

Anyway, the quest for sanity continues...

I turn over again and get to a thing about Voter ID in the UK. That’s a thing now? I mean, fine, okay, I sort of get it. If we’re talking complex problems, I accept we’re going to have to consider bold-but-necessary solutions.

Because honestly: what could be a more complex problem than attempting to solve an issue that doesn’t f*cking exist? How do you solve Voter Fraud when it’s not taken place in any material way, whatsoever? That is a pickle. That’s going to take some thinking outside the box, guys.

I’m not messing about: out of a population of ~67 million, Voter Fraud was reported six times at the last General Election. The one before (2017) yielded one prosecution for voter impersonation. Literally one person. 

If you want an idea of how ridiculous legislating to prevent that is/was, you’re statistically more likely to be arrested for voter impersonation by someone impersonating a police officer - than you are likely to be guilty of the offence itself.

But no matter, the Tories railroaded the legislation regardless, to make it essential that you bring identification with you to the booth - lest you lose your chance to cast your vote and have your say. The law applies to everyone equally. Although some of us are more equal than others, you understand. 

An over-60s Oyster card is accepted. The over-18s one is not.

An older person’s Bus Pass is fine. And a blue, disabled parking badge is fine.

But for a younger person who is less likely to be disabled and who won’t have a Bus Pass? 

Well, they have to apply for a super special, young person’s Voter ID Certificate, you see. And I know that sounds bad, but honestly, hold onto that ire, for a moment…

Because yes it looks like Voter Suppression, disenfranchisement; yes, it stinks to high heaven and we should all be kicking off about it, but glass is half full guys: it’s a very-specific initiative rolled by the Tories, exclusively for the young. We should celebrate that this is the Conservative Party connecting with the youth in a way that doesn't require the Crown Prosecution Service.

Everywhere I look there is this overriding stampede of corruption or a colossal lack of logic that leaves me scratching my head worse than my 2 year-old daughter on her recent foray as an unstoppable nit factory. Why aren’t we rioting? Why is everyone so fucking blasé about this?

Why are we just bending over and accepting King Charles’ £8m portraits when there’s foodbank queues round the block? Why do we accept the Conservative line that his Coronation is part of our cultural identity, and we’re all British so it’s only fair that we all play our part (/tax money) meanwhile the NHS, which is also part of our who we are and also requires that we all play our part is seen as some socialist affront we shouldn't be forced to pay into?

I mean, it is obvious what’s happening in all of these things. Labour know they should re-join the EU, for both economic and geopolitical reasons. But they can’t risk irking the Red Wall constituencies who abandoned them for Brexit. The Parliamentary battle lines were re-drawn in 2016 and neither the Tories nor Labour have ever fully accepted that. Instead they pivot and obfuscate and distort their positions, in a way that shows their goal is to mitigate seat losses, rather than embrace economics/security.

“Rejoin the EU? Oh we’d LOVE to, but then we’d lose Burnley again” you can imagine them privately fretting.

“Why did we introduce Voter-ID? Because it makes it harder for younger people to vote and those younger people tend to vote for Left-leaning parties, so f*ck ‘em.” the country’s last honest Tory might say.

“Why have I faked an image of my Dad with thousands of supporters? Because there weren’t really any there but maybe this is the most natural escalation from lying about the Inauguration crowd. Next step: Deep Fakes of Hunter Biden leaving #Pizzagate.”

“Why do we demonise public healthcare as communism while asking everyone to pay-up for the Coronation? Because we’re all in bed with BUPA and we love good ol’ traditional Classism. Besides it’s you lot that’s paying for it, none of us even pay tax.”

“Why are we demonising Smallboats? No, it’s not about national security, we don’t actually believe they’re Economic Migrants, we know they’re mostly genuine asylum seekers, but by pandering to the lowest common denominator, we might be able to claw back a few votes from literally the worst in our society. It comes down to this: why bother chasing the approval of foreigners in dinghies who can’t vote when you could get a tick in the box from racists who can?”

At some point we will regain our sanity.

But rebirth and new dawns be damned, that day is not today.